Writing Rubric Score Explanation:
These samples are not intended to be benchmark papers for any particular score, but rather a sampling of the variety of papers a teacher might expect for a given prompt. Some students may be writing above or below the levels of work shown. The samples, however, are intended to give teachers help in scoring papers by showing the variety of ways students may approach a prompt.
Students receive a score of 2 if their work exhibits a solid overall demonstration of the criteria. Students receive a score of 1 when there is a question of whether the paper exhibits the criteria or if it is clear that the student only has a partial understanding of the criteria. Students receive a score of 0 when their work does not demonstrate the criteria at all, or shows no understanding of the criteria. It is important to look at the individual subsection scores as well as the student’s overall score because some students may have a deficit in one area that may not be evident from the total score.
Please note: These examples are from a 2006-2007 field test. The prompts and planning space have been adjusted since then, so students’ scores, especially in the ideas and content area, may be slightly different using the 2008-2009 assessments.
Gloss: Day with the Dolphins (title) Today is a very special day. I get to go to the beach. I love to run in the sand. My parents say I can go in the water now. I run toward the water as fast as lightening. Then I get to the deep end. I dive into the water. I swim as long as I can underwater. Then I found a herd of dolphins. I come up for a breath. Then I go back down again. I grab a dolphin’s top fin to swim with them. It’s time to go. I go home to get a good night rest. The next morning I woke up early to go see the dolphins again. When I get to the deep end I dive in again. I found the dolphin herd again and go swimming with the dolphins the rest of the day.
Notes: Student writes a story using mixed tenses.
Ideas and Content:This story only partially addresses the prompt because although some of the action occurs underwater, some does not. It is a story of a person visiting the water, not living there. Though the story does not have an involved plot, it is complete because it has an introduction (dives in), a middle (finds a herd of dolphins), and a brief conclusion (go swimming the rest of the day). The student made and followed a plan by crossing out the ideas that were used.
Organization and Focus: The student writes a fictional story which reflects the genre specified by the prompt. The writing stays focused on the dolphin adventure. The weakness of the story lies in its organization. Because the writing switches between present and past tenses, it can be confusing to the reader.
Style: The student gives evidence of his or her personality with the explanation “I love to run in the sand.” Overall the sentences flow together with transitions words like “then,” and “the next morning,” shaping the sentences into a paragraph format. There is descriptive imagery in the words “grab the dolphin’s top fin” and the comment “as fast as lightening.”
Conventions: The student demonstrates an understanding of capitalization, punctuation, and spelling. Words such as “beach,” “breath,” “dolphins,” and “again” are all spelled correctly. The only words misspelled are a “goods night rest” instead of a “good night’s rest” and “tward” for “toward.”
Gloss:When I Started Living Underwater (title) If I lived underwater, I would see so many fish. I may even see a shark or two maybe three! I wonder what it is like to live underwater? Because I don’t live in the water. Now I am going to know what it is like to live underwater. Because my mom just told me that we are going to live underwater! This is going to be so weird. I am not going to like this.
Notes: Student writes in a conversational tone.
Ideas and Content: The student uses the planning pages to write out his or her essay in its entirety. The writing responds to the underwater topic, though it does not provide enough ideas to be considered a complete or developed story. The writer begins by supporting the main idea of living under water with the fact that she or he would see fish or a few sharks, but then omits details or evidence from the rest of the paper.
Organization and Focus:There is not a clear focus or organization to this paper. The writing has an introduction, “If I lived underwater…” but loses focus and direction after that. The text reads more a diary entry or a casual conversation rather than a story as the prompt requests.
Style: There is some attempt to connect thoughts from one sentence to the other with the word “because,” but its use here results in sentence fragments, rather than a complete thought. The student uses limited adjectives “two,” “three,” and “weird,” which add a little to the color of the paper.
Conventions: The writer uses punctuation at the end of every thought, but does not always form complete sentences. The student uses a question mark at the end of one sentence whichshould have a period (“I wonder what it is like to live underwater?”), but uses exclamation marks and even a comma correctly elsewhere. The writing is well spaced and easily read.
Gloss: If I lived Under the Sea (title) If I lived under the sea I would probably live in the Coral Reef because it is abundant with animals, and I really like animals. I would have to live in a bubble-like home. I would have to keep it supplied with oxygen, which might lead to destroying the idea of living under the sea. I wouldn’t have any real friends or companions. Because I love animals I’d adopt an certain animal such as a seal. It would need water to survive which could be a problem living in a oxygen-filled home. Another thing I would do if I lived under sea would be diving. I think it would be really neat to go diving in the coral reef. It is very beautiful in pictures so I would love to go and see it for myself. Also there are a lot of animals living in the Coral Reef I could see, like many beautiful fish of many different colors. I think it would be great if I could live under the sea.
Notes: Student writes a non-story narrative.
Ideas and Content: The writer clearly addresses the prompt (living under the sea). The writer includes ideas concerning why he or she would like to live under the sea and writes a developed topic that supports why she or he would want to live in a Coral Reef. There is a brief outline plan and the writer includes most of the ideas in this plan.
Organization and Focus: The writing is fairly organized though there is some repetition in the writer’s discussion of animals. Some of the sentences are confusing such as “I would have to keep it supplied with oxygen, which might lead to destroying the idea of living under the sea.” The student does not write a story as dictated by the prompt.
Style: Though the writer uses big words like “abundant” and “companions,” they seem somewhat out of place and do not really add to the imagery of the writing. The writer appears to use them simply for the sake of using big words or to impress the reader. This does demonstrate some knowledge of audience and/or personality. The terms “bubble-like” and “oxygen-filled” demonstrate the writer’s attempt to use some descriptive words. The writer also portrays himself or herself as a person who likes the beauty of animals and reefs. The sentences flow together to create a paragraph and words such as “also,” “Because I,” and “another thing” tie the sentences together smoothly.
Conventions: The writer demonstrates an understanding of capitalization, punctuation, grade-level spelling, and handwriting. The sentences are complete. Though the writer confuses the use of the articles “a/an,” he or she demonstrates an overall understanding of grade-level appropriate grammar skills.
Gloss: The Treasure Chest (title) Once I jumped in the water. I decided to live under the water. One day a fish said, “Did you hear the legend of the treasure chest?” I said “No.” “I’m going to search for it,” I said. Then I swam far, far down. Then I saw a squid. I swam quietly past him. Then I seen a sea monster. It was lime green and yellow. It tried to swim fast. Then its jaws snapped two times. Then I swam down in the rocks. There it sat. I took the key opened it up. Gold coins, jewels, necklaces, robes, and pearls, and thick long rectangles of gold. I took them back to my home underwater and lived happy ever after.
Notes: Student writes a descriptive story.
Ideas and Content: Though the idea of finding a treasure chest is not particularly original, the way the story is written shows originality. The writer clearly responds to the prompt’s topic (living under the sea) and genre (adventure story). The story has specific original ideas. It contains a beginning (jumped in), a middle (searches for the treasure chest), and an ending (took the gold back home).
Focus and Organization: This clearly is an adventure story. The organization and focus of the paper are evident. There is one place where the student omits a word “I took the key [and] opened it up,” which is most likely just an oversight.
Style: The writer uses vivid imagery which makes the story interesting. Phrases such as “swam quietly,” “lime green and yellow,” and “thick long rectangles of gold,” show that the writer is excited and interested in his or her undersea adventure. Repetition of the word “then” affects the variety of sentences in the story.
Conventions: The weakness of this paper is the mechanics. Some sentences and words are not capitalized (including the words “I” and “I’m”) and punctuation such as question marks and periods are missing. Many words such as “jumped,” “opened,” “tried,” “hear,” “under,” “snapped,” and “thick” should be spelled correctly. The student also uses non-standard grammar with “then I seen” instead of “then I saw.”
Gloss:The Day I Saw Aliens (title) When I went outside and saw a ship on the field and saw people coming out and they looked at me and started chasing me so then I got my dirt bike drived to Kyle and he grabbed his four-wheeler and we got a paintball gun so we shot them then they went to their ship and flew away.
Notes :Student writes a story that is not related to the prompt.
Ideas and Content: Though this story does not address the prompt, the writer does address the prompt in his or her planning space. None of the planning ideas (swimming suit, see sharks, dive in the water, etc.) are included in the final paper. Instead he or she writes about a spaceship. Though the writer does not address the prompt topic, he or she uses original ideas and writes a story with a beginning (saw a ship), middle (gets his or her friend Kyle and they shoot), and end (the aliens fly away).
Organization and Focus: The writer creates a story to fulfill the adventure requirement of the prompt. The organization of the paper could be improved with the use of a variety of sequence words instead of “and” between all of the ideas. The first sentence starts with the word “When” and would be more clear if the word “once” were used instead.
Style: There is flow of ideas, but it is not quite like a paragraph. The writer displays a sense of bravery or heroism in scaring away the aliens.
Conventions: The student does not display an understanding of punctuation (uses one period at the end of the whole story), spelling ( a grade 3 writer should spell words like “people,” “grabbed,” “started,” and “coming” correctly). The student uses non-standard grammar in a few places (“drived” for “drove” and “there” for “their”), but uses standard grammar elsewhere.
Gloss: The Starfish (title) One day I was swimming along and I found a starfish. I was very happy. I took it home. It was sad. I said to the starfish, “What is the matter?” She said “I want to go back to my family. I said I will help you find your way home. So I went with the starfish to help her find a group of starfish. Soon we came to a big starfish family. She said that is my family. So I took her to the family of starfish. Then they said “Thank you for helping her to get home.”
Notes: Student writes a simple story without descriptive language.
Ideas and Content: This story, though difficult to decipher, is a simple story about finding a starfish and helping her find her way back to her family. The author writes a few words to plan the story and uses only a handful of the ideas in the story. The story has a beginning (finds a starfish), middle (takes her to find family), and an end (finds her grateful family) which relates to the prompt’s underwater topic.
Organization and Focus: The writing responds to the story aspect of the prompt and remains focused on the starfish adventure throughout. The sequence and organization of the story make sense.
Style:There is little imagery in the paper. The story relays the action of the plot without any description. The writer however, understands how to put ideas and quotations together to convey that a story is being told.
Conventions: The writer shows no understanding of punctuation. The lack of proper writing mechanics, especially improper spacing between words and lack of punctuation, make this story very hard for the reader to decipher. A few words are misspelled (one instance of “siad” for “said,” “wont” for “want,” and “bach” for “back”) but the student spells other words such as “family,” “went,” and “group” correctly.
Organization and Focus:The student’s writing demonstrates a partially-developed sense of focus and organization. The student attempts to write to the prompt, but does not create a story and the order of the described events is unclear. The paper begins abruptly, without an introduction and ends with an attempt at a conclusion by writing “the best thing is….”
Style: The writing is not very colorful, but it does show the student’s personal interests by telling what he or she likes to do at the park. The student doesn’t quite understand where sentences end, but varies sentence-like patterns and words.
Conventions: The student has very neat handwriting, but his or her knowledge of punctuation, spelling, and sentence structure is clearly still developing.
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Last Modified: Monday, 23 March 2009